Realisations! thoughts? memories? truth?mindgames.

some things are different in your mind and different in reality.
So, i thought i still loved him, i thought its all the same from my side, even after like 2 years.
like yes, i read the old texts, but the whole time i was like umm…who is this guy? who is this girl?  
reading those texts made me realize how far along I’ve come.
i barely recognize those two people having that conversation. 
Maybe i don’t still love him, maybe i just still love the idea of him. maybe its my mind holding on to that fictional character.
maybe the hurt is buried deep down and only comes up when I’m in contact with him. Because whenever, we are in contact, i start remembering stuff that didn’t bother me before and it hurts all over again.
No, no i don’t want to date you. i don’t. i just want you there as a part of my life like you were before. i want to talk to you and meet you and tell you about my day. i want to feel that….closeness and security when I was with you. 
after what happened with you, i can’t get close to anyone else, and i don’t want to. all i want is you, like you were before, all i want is to not fight with you and just be with you. 

i don’t know, i like talking to you. a lot. more than anyone else!

i don’t care that you have a million girlfriends. Never have, never will. All i want is my best friend to be back. 

maybe i just need to get you out of my system. i tried, i tried for 2 years but you kept on coming back and then going away. 
maybe all i need to do is to let you go, but then what if i don’t find anyone who i connect with. i sure as hell am looking. but no one makes me feel the way i felt when i was with you.
yes, i preferred snap chatting you, rather than going out clubbing. but was that you i prefer or who you are in my mind?


Random songs…and thoughts

IF our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
I’m in here, can anybody see me know?
Coz nothing ever hurt like you
The pieces don’t fit anymore
One last chance
If i loose myself tonight, It’ll be by your side
Somebody that i used to know
We say goodbye in the pouring rain and i break down as you walk away, stayyy
i should go, I’m just a little shaken by whats going on inside
your winter, i don’t want to be anyones excuse to cry
when you get what you want but not what you need,  STUCK IN REVERSE…
I will try to fix you….

Do you ever look at you ex, being all happy with his girl and feel a sting? I mean, does it get you all pissed off that he’s happy and i am not?
When you know that you deserve to be much happier than any of them. Why do bad people get happy endings, when the good ones are suffering. I mean. how is that fair? 
Is it because you expect too much? and even if you lower your expectations, does it make you truly happy? like from the inside…
Like you are happy, as happy as you can get and then pop…. there goes the bubble and your back to square one…all the hurt and sadness comes falling down on you…?
like if you have seen level  10 of happiness, you  can never be happy at level 6, even though all you knew was level 6 and it was enough at that time.
So, being truly happy at a point of time is just bad for you.
Because, it won’t last forever.
And when it goes away, what made you happy earlier just isn’t enough anymore…

How life isn’t fair.



Hello peeps:*
Reading “Its Complicated” ( previous post-my poem) got me all nostalgic. Sometimes in life, you take one step wrong and *baam*. Your whole world is shattered. One wrong decision can ruin your happiness. 

Sometimes, your happiness is related to someone else’s. When they are happy, so are you and when they are sad, all you can think about is how to make them smile again. You give too much, care too much, love too much. But the question here is, DO THEY FEEL THE SAME WAY?

You make them the centre of your world, but are you theirs? 

Sometimes, you have to give up on people because being without them will hurt you so much but, being with them will kill you everyday.