Realisations! thoughts? memories? truth?mindgames.

some things are different in your mind and different in reality.
So, i thought i still loved him, i thought its all the same from my side, even after like 2 years.
like yes, i read the old texts, but the whole time i was like umm…who is this guy? who is this girl?  
reading those texts made me realize how far along I’ve come.
i barely recognize those two people having that conversation. 
Maybe i don’t still love him, maybe i just still love the idea of him. maybe its my mind holding on to that fictional character.
maybe the hurt is buried deep down and only comes up when I’m in contact with him. Because whenever, we are in contact, i start remembering stuff that didn’t bother me before and it hurts all over again.
No, no i don’t want to date you. i don’t. i just want you there as a part of my life like you were before. i want to talk to you and meet you and tell you about my day. i want to feel that….closeness and security when I was with you. 
after what happened with you, i can’t get close to anyone else, and i don’t want to. all i want is you, like you were before, all i want is to not fight with you and just be with you. 

i don’t know, i like talking to you. a lot. more than anyone else!

i don’t care that you have a million girlfriends. Never have, never will. All i want is my best friend to be back. 

maybe i just need to get you out of my system. i tried, i tried for 2 years but you kept on coming back and then going away. 
maybe all i need to do is to let you go, but then what if i don’t find anyone who i connect with. i sure as hell am looking. but no one makes me feel the way i felt when i was with you.
yes, i preferred snap chatting you, rather than going out clubbing. but was that you i prefer or who you are in my mind?


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